Daily Whig Obtains Secret Bill Clinton Diary

Clinton War Room, September 2nd, 8:45pm ET

 Dear Diary,

Some odd years ago at Yale, when I was staring down that cute girl in the library – a law student with thick blonde hair, big glasses, a little bit of make-up – someone should have warned me… she’s psychotic.

Truthfully, and you can take me at my word here, I almost feel bad for Hillary. She’s never been as smooth a liar as I am, and she never will be. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is mistaking her for “Slick Hillie.” After all, her one job in our marriage was to cover up for my scandals, and she failed at that one, didn’t she?

But now she’s freaking out at the entire war room because of some right-wing news conspiracy citing FBI documents for facts, or something like that. I stopped paying attention when our hot new intern walked in. That low-cut dress…

But seriously, if anyone has the right to freak out here, it’s me. If it weren’t for the damn Constitution, I’d be running for a third term right now. But instead, we have to run my “wife” who has the political talent of a half-baked potato. But hey, at least she’s better than Gary, who’s just plain baked.

So about this email thing… Honestly, and I’d never lie about something like this, I never thought we’d get caught. I obviously signed Hillary up for yoga to get her out of the house, and she sent me emails of her progress to get me interested. It didn’t. I mean, that’s believable enough, right? And the rest of the deleted emails? They were from Anthony Weiner. There’s no way someone can blame our lawyers for deleting those without opening them first.

But noooooo, Hillary has the entire mainstream media on her side, and her narrative is still collapsing in on itself. Let me show you the difference between my wife and me, The Real Slick Willie: I said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” She said, “I didn’t know that ‘C’ meant it was classified. And if I did know, I must not remember because I hit my head.” What? Amateur hour, man.

I keep on telling her to calm the heck down. Thanks to Clinton News Network, nobody’s been informed that the economy’s bad, so how can we ever lose? There’s no reason to make another speech renouncing my crime or welfare reform bills, two of the highest points of my administration, just to try and get people to like you. Oh right, awkward… Both of those bills do fit nicely into Trump’s platform.

She’s staring at me now… It’s been years, and that stare still scares the crap out of me. It’s like the Eye of Sauron and Medusa rolled into one… Jitters.

I can’t write anymore. That stare has officially taken me out of the mood, like she always does, but not for long of course.

‘Till next time,


How PC culture and safe spaces facilitate the rise of conservatism

This post was originally published in American Thinker.

College is a time for intellectual curiosity, or at least it used to be.  As liberals have increasingly dominated the academic profession, college has been transformed from a thinking space into a safe space and its culture from politically open into politically correct.  While on the surface it may seem that liberal professors have accomplished their goal of indoctrinating college students, the work of the professors has had an unintended consequence: young conservatives now know how to fight back against political suppression, and they are in a position to succeed.

In case after case, colleges have instituted a culture that has removed political discourse from campus altogether.  From claiming that the use of the word “American” is “problematic” to banning the use of the word “mankind,” colleges have created a culture that forces students to live in a bubble of liberalism, whether students like it or not.  George Orwell was not far off in his assessment of the future if these professors were the thought police he was talking about. Continue reading “How PC culture and safe spaces facilitate the rise of conservatism”

How the awful and corrupt media could aid Gary Johnson

The media is terrible. The media is leftist. The media is corrupt. But at this point in the election, that is a given.

Whether the media is overtly focusing on trivial issues like Melania Trump plagiarizing the First Lady, or if Trump is somehow colluding with Putin, time and time again the media show where their biased priorities lie.

Hillary Clinton is a corrupt leftist. Trump is an ignorant buffoon cloaked as a conservative. (Also a leftist) Here is the chance for Gary Johnson. Because Hillary is so awful, she fails to run with the silver spoon gifted to her by the medias liberal leaning. Continue reading “How the awful and corrupt media could aid Gary Johnson”

From “Don’t Tread on Me!” to “Yes You Will!” – The Era of Small Government is Over

Today, as I was in the car with my friend, he noticed that the car in front of us bore a license plate that said “don’t tread on me.” He asked me what exactly that means. I told him it was a slogan from the Revolutionary era that meant the government should get the heck out of people’s lives and let freedom ring. He then said, “Oh, so it’s probably a Republican’s car.” I agreed, but after Trump’s speech today in which the Republican delegation screamed, “Yes you will!” at him, I can’t be so sure.

Trump gave a good speech. He accurately described America’s problems and explained why Hillary can’t be the one to solve them. Unfortunately, to Trump, all of America’s problems are ones that he “alone can fix” using the power of the federal government. In other words, while Reagan famously said that government is the problem and not the solution, Trump says that the current government is the problem and his government is the solution. Continue reading “From “Don’t Tread on Me!” to “Yes You Will!” – The Era of Small Government is Over”

The BLM movement would be conservative… if only it wasn’t based on a lie.

Here’s my biggest problem with the Black Lives Matter movement: it’s all based on a lie. I wouldn’t be quick to condemn their rhetoric or tactics if their motives were based on facts, but they’re not. Their motives are based on feelings.

If their motives were based on factual evidence that police departments across the country are systemically racist, then the movement itself would, in many ways, line up with conservative and founding principles.

Let’s imagine for a second that Black Lives Matter was telling the truth about the police. In this case, Jefferson’s logic from the Declaration of Independence would follow, and the government, in this case the enforcement wing of the government, should be abolished and replaced because it has failed to secure the rights of the people. This is exactly what some protesters want, with some of them calling for an end to the police and its replacement through “community solutions.” Continue reading “The BLM movement would be conservative… if only it wasn’t based on a lie.”

“Comey at the Bat”

We are reminded this week of Ernest Thayer’s immortal 1888 classic Casey at the Bat. A Midwestern wag we know was struck by the similarities as great expectations met reality yet again. 

The outlook was uncertain for Truth and Justice that day;
the score stood many to zero, with election not far away.
With the government bathed in corruption, a dangerous embarrassing shame,
a sickly silence fell upon the land, but the people were aflame.

Millions groaned in deep despair. The rest clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
they thought, if only Comey could get a whack at that –
they’d put up even money now, with Comey at the bat.

For thirty years the pair had skated,
Over ice micro-thin, yet they never were abated.
Arkansas squalor, Saudi billions, pardons and bedrooms for sale,
Access for money, money for silence, Justice could not spear that whale.

From across the globe the billions flowed, building the Foundation of lies,
While hidden in her cellar, the nation’s secrets were transcribed.
This was the flaw, the chink in the mail, the cold forewarning of Fate,
If only Someone, Honest and True, would step up to the plate.

Then from three hundred million throats there rose a lusty yell;
it rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
it knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
for Comey, mighty Comey, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Comey’s manner as he stepped into his place;
there was pride in Comey’s bearing and a smile on Comey’s face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
no stranger in the crowd could doubt, ’twas Comey at the bat.

Three hundred million eyes were on him as his agents scoured her dirt;
All their tongues applauded when he wiped it on his shirt.
The Crooked One bobbed and weaved, and contorted all a’twit,
defiance gleamed in Comey’s eye, but FEAR foretold a slip.

And now the Crooked One fired back over the air,
and Comey stood a-watching, shakin’ and tremblin’ there.
Close by the tall Director her airborne salvo’s sped–
“That ain’t my style,” said Comey. “Strike one,” the AG said.

From the heartland jammed with people, there went up a muffled roar,
like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
“Out with Lynch! Out with her!” shouted millions in the land;
and it’s likely they’d have done it had not Comey raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity great Comey’s visage shone;
he stilled the rising tumult; he bade the case go on;
he signaled to Loretta, once more the BS flew;
but Comey still ignored it, and the White House said: “Strike two.”

“It’s fixed!” cried the maddened millions, and echo answered “fraud!”
But one scornful look from mighty Jim and his sycophants were awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw him squint and strain,
they knew his storied “courage” would not pass on Hill again.
Confidence frames Comey’s sturdy face, his eyes twinkling a tease;
blowing smoke about “integrity” with deceit and slippery ease;
And now Loretta meets with Bill, the White House signals “pass,”
Mighty Comey “questions” Hill for hours, no record or oath alas.

And now the waiting’s over, it’s time to stand up tall,
“On TV in Hoover’s place,” he says, “where I’ll be seen by all;”
“No one know what’s coming,” he boasts, and then he lets it go,
and now the country gasps, at the force of Comey’s blow.
Oh, deep in the bowels of Wall Street the shyster eyes are bright;
the White House crowd is sneering, and Hollywood hearts are light;
The “elites” are snarkly laughing, and somewhere Putin shouts;
but there’s no joy for three hundred million — mighty Comey has struck out!


“House of Cards;” Truth is worse than fiction

The instant FBI director James Comey announced that the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s private server would yield no recommended charges was the instant that Hillary Clinton officially ceased to be bound by any semblance of the same laws that apply to the normal citizens of America. The United States may as well declare itself an oligarchy; real, significant power is no longer determined by the people but instead by who is willing to go to the greatest lengths in order to get what they want.

In an interview with Gotham magazine, Kevin Spacey, star of political drama House of Cards, described a conversation he had with former President (and likely future First Gentleman) Bill Clinton. Spacey said that Clinton told him, “Kevin, 99% of what you do on that show is real.” Considering the often bloody nature of the writing, this is a terrifying prospect. Continue reading ““House of Cards;” Truth is worse than fiction”